This is a little ditty about Abbie and Ryan, two American kids growing up in the heartland.
Ryan was a football star and Abbie was someone he adored.
But he didn’t tell her for a very long time, so that’s where the song is going to end and the story will begin.
Maybe it’s not good to tell the end of a story at the beginning of the story, but Abbie Layden and Ryan Rogiers do end up together.
Married, in fact.
But, it took them more than 25 years to get to that point.
When Abbie and Ryan met, they were 10 and 11 years old, respectively. Abbie, from St. Joseph, was cheering on the sidelines of a pee wee football against Ogden, where Ryan was playing.
“Even though we went to different grade schools, I remember hearing about Ryan Rogiers and seeing him at the game,” Abbie said.
Going about their own childhoods, Ryan and Abbie met up again at St. Joseph-Ogden High School, where they ran around with similar crowds, but never were really close friends.
“He was popular, but I just always thought he didn’t care for me that much because, in a way, he didn’t talk to me a lot. Little did I know, how shy he was,” Abbie said.
“I thought he was cute. He was tall, dark and handsome.
“He was a good football player. He was popular. Because he was popular, I thought he must talk to a lot of people, but just not me.”
She does recall one moment where Ryan did talk to her, though.
“When I was 17 and Abbie was 16 I told her jokingly (or not) I was going to marry her someday!” Ryan said.
“I just laughed it off because he’d never flirted with me let alone talked to me much or asked me out. I just thought he was being silly,” Abbie recalls.
But Ryan wasn’t being silly. He was just drawn to Abbie.
In fact, he kept showing up in her life.
Abbie moved up to Minnesota during high school to live with her aunt for six months. She was enthralled with the big city and a school of about 2,000 students.
Her friends came to visit. Her boyfriend, at the time, came to visit. A group of guy friends came to visit. And Ryan came to visit.
“I introduced them to my friends. They hung out with and without me sometimes,” she said.
“I didn’t think he just drove 10 hours to come see me; I just thought they probably want to ski and hang out.”
As college students in the Champaign-Urbana area, Abbie and Ryan kept bumping into each other through a few mutual friends.
When those mutual friends decided to move to Arizona, Abbie and Ryan went with them.
The childhood friends didn’t go together, though. Abbie became pregnant with her soon-to-be husband, and Abbie moved back home to be closer to her family.
Abbie recalls seeing Ryan one more time after she had her second child a few years later.
Ryan returned to school in Carbondale, moved to San Francisco for culinary school, worked in Chicago and Tampa, served in Iraq for a year and went back to school. They were not still in contact.
Four children and nearly 12 years later, Abbie found herself in a desolate position when she was going through a divorce.
Having been disconnected from childhood friends for so long, she took to Facebook to reconnect.
“I think pretty much everyone in the world was already on Facebook,” she said. “I had been homeschooling four kids; I was just kind of out of it. I was trying to figure it out and navigate it. I found someone from high school, and then the next day, pretty much everyone in my high school was like Abbie is on Facebook now.
“I was just like confirm, confirm.
“Within the next couple weeks, I was sitting on Facebook, catching up and I got a message from Ryan.
“I was so excited. My heart just burst. I was like ‘Oh my God! Ryan Rogiers!’
“I didn’t even realize that we were friends on Facebook. It was still that new to me.”
Ryan casually asked how Abbie was doing, and at that point she knew she could confide in her long-time friend.
“I remember being like ‘I’m terrible,’ ” Abbie said. “I’m getting divorced. To say I’m devastated would be an understatement. I’m going through the hardest time in my life. How are you?
And I remember him saying, “I’m really sorry to hear that. I had no idea.”
Abbie found out that Ryan was in Chicago. Being only 2 1/2 hours away, she was anxious to reconnect.
With a few days off from work in August, Ryan visited Abbie and her children.
Between swimming, watching movies and playing, the two had a chance to just catch up.
“I started to make lunch, and Ave, who was 3 or 4 fell asleep on me. He finished lunch. She took like a 3-hour nap, so we just sat and ate.
“We got to sit and talk forever because she was asleep.
“I got to hear everything that he’d been doing and it was just wonderful,” she said. “I just thought, ‘your parents must be so proud.’ It just seemed like he had done so much.”
Abbie said that when Ryan kissed her on the porch later that night, she was “so taken by it,” but having just gotten out of a relationship and with four kids to raise, she thought Ryan would leave soon.
The next day, he told her that he could stay one more day.
“It was just so comfortable right away,” Abbie said.
“When he was leaving, he said,’I really want to give this a shot.’
The couple promised that they were going to commit to trying to make their relationship work.
“I was like, “You want to be my boyfriend? I’m 35 and I have four kids.’
“Ryan, you’re single, you don’t have kids, you don’t have any baggage. You’re being a glutton for punishment here. This is a lot.”
Little did she know, but being with Abbie and her children was what Ryan had always been seeking.
“Through our back and forth, I asked if he’d had kids or been married. He’d never been married. Never had kids. And I remember him saying in that message, ‘I just never found what my parents have.’ ”
By October, Ryan had quit his job, quit school and moved back to where he grew up with Abbie.
“The first Christmas we were together, he gave me a card that said, ‘You’re the love of my life, but not only am I so happy to be with you, finally, but you’ve given me the family I’ve always wanted.’ “
Abbie said Ryan didn’t come into the home trying to take over as an authority figure, but tenderly tried to get close to the kids.
“He just helped with the laundry, food, transportation. Just hanging out and having fun. He just tried to get close to the kids,” Abbie said.
You already know that Abbie and Ryan got married. Two-and-a-half years ago, in fact.
But that is not the end of their story. They are building new stories together.
In 2017, the Rogiers opened their farm-to-table restaurant, The Wheelhouse, located at 109 N. Main St. in St. Joseph.
When Ryan, a former chef at Alinea in Chicago, decided it was time to bring new flavors and techniquest to the St. Joseph area, Abbie was his biggest supporter.
“I was so excited because we’d get to work together,” she said.
The detailed-oriented perfectionist, Ryan usually runs the kitchen. Abbie, the big-picture person usually takes care of the front end of the restaurant.
“I feel like we are a good balance that way, Abbie said. “We have different components in the business. He’s really good at his, and I’m really good at mine.”
Ryan’s soft side is what Abbie is attracted to.
“He’s so sweet. He’s introverted and quiet, but he’s the best husband,” she said.
“He’s tender and affectionate and he’s such a softie.”
For the first few years of being together, Abbie loved watching Ryan call his mom every morning.
“He knew she was sick (Alzheimer’s) and only had so much time. He treats his mom so well.
“My mother would always say, ‘you can tell so much about Ryan by the way he treats his mother.’
“I almost thought he was faking it, for a long time to show off for me. He has this innocence to him and old-school values that you don’t see anymore.”
The way Abbie relates to people is what Ryan is attracted to.
“I have always had a crush on her. She is the kindest person (and most beautiful!) I have ever met and genuinely cares for everyone she meets.
“When she is around she balances me out. I would hide from people if I had my choice and she is the opposite of that.
“She gives me a confidence in my personal and professional life I have never had before.”
Ryan said he believes that they not only have the relationship they were both looking for, but also one that their parents had.
“I can’t imagine being on this ride with anyone else,” he said.
